About Breakups

Sumiko Tan’s Sunday’s Column got me thinking about why people break up. Her article says:

“THERE are only so many reasons a relationship ends and I can think of five:

1. You weren’t really that into each other in the first place and the reality sinks in after you have exhausted the early bouts of physical desire.

2. You love each other but your personalities clash.

3. One party – or both parties – betrays the other and forgiveness is not possible.

4. One party – or both parties – no longer loves the other. Sometimes, no external stimulus is needed. Love simply dies.

5. You love each other but can’t have a life together, for whatever reason.

How can you tell if a break-up is imminent? There’s a tonne of literature out there but you could break it down to three crucial signs (don’t ask me why, but articles on relationships always hinge on numbers):

1. You’re no longer No. 1 in her universe. While you used to be the first person she would call if she got promoted at work or scolded by her boss, she has lost the enthusiasm to share with you the details of her life.

2. She doesn’t desire your company anymore. Phone calls are getting shorter, she is always busy and you’re the one calling, not her. Neither does she want to meet up. When you do, she is distracted and keeps sneaking peeks at her mobile phone to check for SMSes. And she keeps the phone on silent mode.

3. She starts to argue, a lot, and over trivial things. She is impatient with you and sighs a lot. She starts muttering things like ‘we need to talk’ and ‘you deserve someone better’. “

Breakups are never easy to heal. In her article, she said it’s better to be angry than sad over a breakup. I used to think that way, but I’ve come to realize either way it’s a waste of emotions. I used to be angry at one of my ex at dumping me, so much so I dump his own series of comics (hope he doesn’t read this) we are no longer friends but his number is still in my phone with an (X) in front of his name. Met up with another ex last night and I could tell he’s (or was) bitter about the way I dumped him for another guy (the one I threw the comic books away) and how little I remembered the 3 months we spent together (it was 6 years ago?)

My recent ex is not really on talking terms with me. I would take the initiative to say Hi, but I guess we just gone separate ways. So much for the best friends of 3 years.

I guess it’s just not possible for me to be friends with ex-boyfriends. Either it hurts for them or me. I dislike the ups and downs of a relationship. I think it’s probably attributed to the emotional roller coaster I’m on. Come to realize, it’s bad enough I am on that roller coaster that I don’t have to drag another person into it.

I’m glad to say I am not the same Leya they knew then. I have realized my foolish ways and immature behaviour. And I wouldn’t date me if I knew me then. But I’m thankful for these guys who came into my life and made me realize what I want now. Every breakup was an experience and lesson for me.